Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
