Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
