Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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