Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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