Well apparently he's into motor boating.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
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Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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