they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
