Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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