just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
