dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
