My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
how does that bad decision feel?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
