i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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