ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
