is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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