What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
