my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
