Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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