I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
