You're my little dorito
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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