Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
