I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
