So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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