Betty ford says i'm here all night
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize