help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
