i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
