i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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