How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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