I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
