I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
