I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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