my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
