K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
