Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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