You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
