She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
