Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
