i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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