ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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