I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
