if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
