Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
