I bet he comes in French.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
