Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
