so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
