I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
