ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
