yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
