I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
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Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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