Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
