he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
