he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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