I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
