I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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