he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
