I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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