Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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