Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
