i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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