I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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