I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
