Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
