There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
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So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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