It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
