We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
