Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
