How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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