mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
