Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize