Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
