He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
