I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize