You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
