Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
