Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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